t-minus: Archive

Apr 1st

I used to be more creative...

When I was eleven, I had to care for a turtle for one month to earn my Reptile and Amphibian Study Merit badge. I monitored his diet, took notes on his appearance, and even took him on walks (I really wanted a dog). But all he ever did was poop. I named him Turd Hole the Turtle.

Mar 31st

1 tag

Mar 31st

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Who doesn’t love Mix-and-Match Flip Books?

Mar 31st

“It’s always been a goal of mine to one day have a sandwich named after me. I’ve...”

– Yours, Meatball

Mar 30th

1 tag

Mar 29th

Things you never knew had names... →

Don’t you hate it when you put your head through the armsaye. Or when you stub your minimus on the doorway. Or when you wake up with ordomition.

Mar 29th

3 notes

Mar 27th

Mar 26th

1 tag

Mar 26th

“A few seconds left. The game teeters on these two free throws. The shooter...”

– ESPN’s Life of Reilly

Mar 26th

New 'Three Stooges' are Penn, Carrey, and del Toro →

Worst. Idea. Ever.

Mar 26th

Mar 25th

1 note

Mar 25th

157 notes

“Why struggle to stand when you can get a lift chair from Nebraska Scooter Mart?”

– Heard this on the radio driving home from work today. I’m not gunna lie, I thought about it.

Mar 25th

1 note

Mar 25th

Mar 24th

Mar 23rd

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I love Batman. I love logos. Hence, I love Batman logos.

Mar 21st

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Last night on Leno, Obama made an offhand remark that for him, bowling in the white house is “like the special olympics”. Turns out, bowling in the special olympics is pretty competitive.

Mar 20th

“Feed the babies… Who don’t have enough to eat. Shoe the...”

– Fly Like An Eagle

Mar 20th

“I remember the day I “learned” to roll my R’s in spanish...”

– Another bad memory from spanish class…

Mar 20th

“The first day of junior high spanish class I was told to choose a new name from...”

– a bad memory from spanish class

Mar 20th

3 notes

Mar 18th

BACON TUXEDO →

Bacon band-aids, eat your heart out. (via michaelnielsen)

Mar 18th

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Pick me. Your move.

Mar 18th

Mar 17th

1,514 notes

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I heart Tommy Boy.

Mar 17th

Update: Automatic Shower Cleaner: 2 | Me: 0

This is not a proud moment.

Mar 16th

1 note

Mar 16th

“Bear costumes are funny. Bears as well.”

– Christopher Walken via Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader (pg 56).

Mar 16th

Mar 15th

“Sick today and feeling pretty lousy.”

– me

Mar 14th

Mar 13th

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Will It Blend is soooo 2006. I wanna know…will it flush? It’s good to know that I can quit going to the trouble of chewing hot dogs. I mean, what a chore.

Mar 13th

Make your own Daft Punk Remix →

…so my day’s shot.

Mar 12th

Andy Dick is out of control... →

Mar 12th

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Note: don’t mess with a comedian. You will not win.

Mar 11th