I used to be more creative...
When I was eleven, I had to care for a turtle for one month to earn my Reptile and Amphibian Study Merit badge. I monitored his diet, took notes on his appearance, and even took him on walks (I really wanted a dog). But all he ever did was poop. I named him Turd Hole the Turtle.
Who doesn’t love Mix-and-Match Flip Books?
It’s always been a goal of mine to one day have a sandwich named after me. I’ve...– Yours, Meatball
Things you never knew had names... →
Don’t you hate it when you put your head through the armsaye. Or when you stub your minimus on the doorway. Or when you wake up with ordomition.
A few seconds left. The game teeters on these two free throws. The shooter...– ESPN’s Life of Reilly
New 'Three Stooges' are Penn, Carrey, and del Toro →
Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why struggle to stand when you can get a lift chair from Nebraska Scooter Mart?– Heard this on the radio driving home from work today. I’m not gunna lie, I thought about it.
I love Batman. I love logos. Hence, I love Batman logos.
Last night on Leno, Obama made an offhand remark that for him, bowling in the white house is “like the special olympics”. Turns out, bowling in the special olympics is pretty competitive.
Feed the babies… Who don’t have enough to eat. Shoe the...– Fly Like An Eagle
I remember the day I “learned” to roll my R’s in spanish...– Another bad memory from spanish class…
The first day of junior high spanish class I was told to choose a new name from...– a bad memory from spanish class
BACON TUXEDO →
Bacon band-aids, eat your heart out. (via michaelnielsen)
Pick me. Your move.
I heart Tommy Boy.
Update: Automatic Shower Cleaner: 2 | Me: 0
This is not a proud moment.
Bear costumes are funny. Bears as well.– Christopher Walken via Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader (pg 56).
Sick today and feeling pretty lousy.– me
Will It Blend is soooo 2006. I wanna know…will it flush? It’s good to know that I can quit going to the trouble of chewing hot dogs. I mean, what a chore.
Make your own Daft Punk Remix →
…so my day’s shot.
Andy Dick is out of control... →
Note: don’t mess with a comedian. You will not win.